Push

...whenever I see inspiring stories of people who have been seriously injured and have had to go through grueling rehabilitative processes and therapy, I marvel at their strength. I am not the 'push past the pain' type. No sir, fucketh thateth. I am the learn how to do without that particular ability type. I don't do well with pain at all and the universe knows it, that's why from labor to birth, this happened: First son: 3 hours; Second son: 1.5 hours. I am fully convinced that they simply clawed their way out. I do not PUSH past pain. This applies to everything. If my goal is to do 10 sit ups and the pain begins at sit up number five, I am doing five sit ups. No pain no gain? Cool. No gain then. Push past? I just don't have it in me.

At least that's what i thought...until yesterday.

My bestest (best friend) and I were in a pretty bad car crash yesterday. The kids were in the car with us and everyone is fine. THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE BLESSING.

My hand took a good hit between the impact, the airbag, my momentum forward and the clipboard I was holding. (the clipboard was in pieces after all was said and done) My right hand sustained the injury, I draw with my right hand!!! After we got the kids settled, I got the crumpled, slightly torn paper and with a throbbing hand, I.DREW. I sketched from my phone and drew myself. I hummed myself into the pain, whatever hip hop joint popped into my head...I held that pen, and I sketched while wanting to low-key scream. I pushed. I pushed past the pain, because (aside from knowing that the kids were not hurt) nothing mattered more than knowing that I could force myself to continue drawing, even if it was going to be challenging. I thought of one of my mentors, Howard Barry aka HBcreative, and all that he overcame to be able to continue to immerse himself in his passion. I thought to myself "What if this pain I'm feeling now gradually becomes worse..what if the damage is permanent and it will always feel like this?"...I then thought to myself, I will work with this hand until the pain causes me to pass TF out, and when I awaken, I will teach myself to draw with my left hand.

I was ready to confront and tackle whatever. I didn't realize that, outside of motherhood, I even had that in me. Terri, doing the PUSH???...past the pain??? past any difficulty perceived or imagined????...to do that thing she loves??? I am capable. When what you NEED to do is even a remote possibility, when that thing NEEDS to be within your grasp no matter how fearful you are, no matter how much discomfort it causes, you find a way to...PUSH.

Yesterday I found my way. It's all good.

I love you Antonia :)