Purging Old Papers

I was working 70 hour weeks, traveling around the country (was stuck in Texas when escrow closed), so had no time to sort through and dump stuff when I moved. I took a week off, packed everything and humped it 400 miles. It's been over 15 years and half the stuff is still packed! Just hasn't been a priority and still may never get to it but I did want to completely clear my office of all work-related stuff, get rid of some furniture and turn it into a guest room/library. It's proven to be a bigger nightmare than I thought and is taking way longer than it should. My shredder is smoking and the compost pile is huge with confetti but once in a while I come across a gem that lightens the load. Thought I'd share this oldie with y'all. Enjoy!

Dog Haiku
I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be.

Today I sniffed
Many dog butts-I celebrate
By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!
Paperboy-come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Mailman Fiend-come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Meter reader-come to kill all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Garbage man-come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Neighbor's cat-come to kill us all!
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I lift my leg and
Wiz on each bush. Hello, Spot -
Sniff this and weep

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.

I hate my choke chain -
Look, world, they strangle me!
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot - no greater bliss - well,
Maybe catching cats.

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do.

The cat is not all
Bad-she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls.

Dig under fence-why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

You may call them fleas,
But they are far more - I call
Them a vocation.

My owners' mood is
Romantic-I lie near their
Feet. I fart a big one.