101 Ways To Annoy A Salesman

Ice Bank Mice Elf... sorry, not getting it.

Say it faster.

Floyd - say it out loud quickly - maybe when you are in a crowd!

Jani Spanks her self. LOL!

Only while doing Zumba, lol.

That's awesome! I wish I had a story but, I'm usually so clueless and moneyless as well.

Oh now THAT is funny!

My son just told me I should do that to the door-to-door salesman.

Wait, lol, not the spanking, but the joke.

Lisa, do what we do and go to the mother ship for free food.

LOL, at first, without reading it fast, I thought you just said a bunch of words together that made no sense. That's funny.

I wonder if you start saying sentences that make no sense if they would try to understand at first then just walk away as well, thinking you're not quite all there and they don't want to deal with it.

Based on his expression, I think that 's exactly what happened. He probably got it later when I was long gone; which makes it even better, lol.

Didn't happen to me but it was the best response to door to door religious salesmen, who are very prominent in my area.
The doorbell rings day and night and there's no getting rid of them
My friend decided to answer the door completely nude.
The end.

LOL, Malene, yeah, that would do it.

I don't want to advertise my flab, though LOL. They come around here too, but they just give out a pamphlet, they don't hang out. I did make the mistake of starting a discussion with one of them once. Ooo bad mistake. He kept coming back.

They mark our doors here, mary....there was a big news story about it....the system tells them when they were at your door last, when they will return.....My friend had to insure they would cease and desist.

I'm just rude to door-to-door sales people. I open the door, let them make their opening spiel, then say "No thank you, I'm not interested", politely. When they continue on with their jabbering then I just shut the door in their face.

Our local newspaper, the Baltimore Sun, used to call unsuspecting citizens attempting to sell subscriptions. My wife du jour at that time had a friend named Reb who was a genius at messing with solicitors. She handed him the phone.

He immediately adopted a really excited manner, yelling "I'm so happy," "You've finally done it," "This is so great," "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" By this time, the caller was completely bamboozled, and confessed that he didn't understand. Then Reb told him, "I'm blind and on disability. The last time that the Sun called me to sell me a subscription, the caller promised that nobody will call me from the paper until they came out with a braille edition. You've made me so happy!"

The salesman was shamed into submission. The Sun never called us again.

Okay, we've got three so far.

1. Ice Bank Mice Elf name tag
2. Answer the door in your birthday suit
3. Thank them with a promise they didn't make.

98 more to go. Don't be shy.

Forgot Greg's
4. Politely say no after they get through their whole spiel and shut the door.

97 more.

Be totally interested in what they are selling, get them to ask for the money and then say "If I only had the money or credit I'd get 2 of them"

In the middle of their pitch, hand them your business card and point them to your AW.

Good one, Parker, lol.

Use their lingo.
ask are you trying to up sale me . that always tends to get a strange look.

tell them at McDonalds ..does my butt look like I need to supersize ? lol

tell silly jokes that you probley only think are funny..
bible peeps come knocking ask me if found Jesus .. I said I didn't know he was lost . They didn't think I was funny :( sorry if I offend anyone .

When they were solicitation calls via the phone, I would pretend to be my Swedish housekeeper. I would just say Yah, yah, yah with whatever they would say. In a swedish accent, I would ask, "Do you have french ticklers? They only buy french ticklers." There was usually silence on the other end of the phone. Then they would ask when they(meaning me) would be home? I would say, "Oh yah they will be back from France soon. They are buying French people to tickle them."

Usually they hung up and I would never get a call back, however one woman was laughing so hard, she gave my high marks on creativity before she hung up.

Keep a product near the front door.....open the door with a big smile on your face and have a 30 second, no break shpiel to give them, complete with a product demo.....

Just simply say "Hire Me." They shut up really fast then.

LOL, Sydne and Jennifer. I like the accent idea, though. You could do a really bad "Not English me" or something.

It was fun.

One time someone came to my door looking for me and I claimed to be my twin sister. They had seen me before. I don't have a twin sister.

I was just wondering.. being annoying and persistent salesman, is one thing but someone making a one time attempt to sell ,isn't that a different thing? Isn't that what we discuss here everyday about selling to people and marketing? Does anyone here get rude and aggressive behavior when you try to sell your art? Have to kind of wonder if in fact we are doing what could and has been done to us about selling our art..just saying..

And yes Jami, you do have a identical twin...I know her...but there is an album called twin sons of different mothers.. wonder if it works the same with daughters..?

Oh and by the way won't mention last names but her first name is Julie... how strange huh?

Well, see, it works to pretend to have a twin sister.

I have thought of that, Jean. One time I met someone on the street, struck up a conversation. The person was very friendly. We talked about art. The conversation was going well. I offered my card. No problem. I asked for their email and that's when it seemed like I struck a nerve. I quickly turned it back to conversation mode. I would say that I'm a soft salesperson of my work and that usually is very acceptable. Most times people don't even realize that I'm being a salesperson.

Tell me, do you try to sell a new car to everyone who brings in one of your cars for service? Are older models really that bad? Here I just thought I needed a taillight! Are you telling me when I blow out a light I need a new car?

Jami, Most on here are not hard sell, I only mentioned that perhaps some of us .. have at one time maybe experienced that on some level..hypothetical.. just pondering the thought we were discussing getting rid of salesmen when in fact we all are sort of a sells person..although I have personally met some that were so annoying and pretentious. Their hobby is sizing a customer up whether they can buy before the person gets in the building. This is just really an obnoxious habit.I had the pleasure once of meeting Sam Walton .I was with a friend in a Dallas Oil field and as we were riding through the gentlemen and his son I was with saw Sam and decided to stop and chat. At the time I had no idea who Sam Walton was. We all got out of the vehicle and chatted with the man who was dressed in torn overalls and greasy and dirty.He also had a beat up pick up that looked like it had been in wrecks and slammed into things and rusty.After we left and were on the road ,the gentleman asked me if I knew who that was. I replied no,not really. He said that is the man that owns Walmart. I said ,how nice he owns the Walmart here and he said no ,He owns all the Walmarts.I was amazed as this man looked like a homeless person and at the very least just an old man working on an oil rig.. so it just goes to show you cannot judge..

I do however get annoyed by people trying to sale you something on the phone . I took a que from Jerry Seinfeld. I was watching the show and Jerry got a call from someone selling something and told the person to let him get his number at home so that he could call during dinner time for the salesman to chat about whatever it was and the salesman hung up. I have done that a few times and it worked. Anyway to get through rambling here..I wanted to say your hat photo is a photo much like one I used to own of Julie, I mean shocking.I will see if I can find it and send it to you .You will be amazed. Anyway thanks for letting me express myself here. Have a great evening.

open your door, pull them inside, with a crazy look in your eyes and whisper, " It's done....help me get rid of the body."

Cool Jani! Shows how some are not "getting it" or much of anything else either!

By the way to shut the "check engine light" off just disconnect the battery for fifteen minutes. Make sure the connections are tight when re-connecting. Usually it takes a 12 millimeter wrench to loosen up the nut. If it ever goes on again have the engine scanned for code faults at the dealership.

Sales personnel at car dealerships are much less obnoxious than artists who are in the habit of "pushing their art" on Facebook and social media in my opinion.

Marlene, Love that.. and Vincent, yeah I sure can appreciate that ..about the art and facebook and social media thing..

I would love to see it, Jean. You reminded me of something. I went into Nordstroms, a high end clothing store, with my children in tow. Someone told me that they had great sale on the half yearly sale. My children are very well behaved. I got compliments all the time on how well behaved they were. I waited forever for a salesperson to help me with something. That person helped every other person except me. Even after I asked for assistance. I was given a 'I'm with a customer' comment. People that had come in after me were served. Finally I looked up at the cameras and made an expression with my face and arms that meant, what's the deal and pointed at the salesperson and shook my head.
Another time I went in after I had a baby to get some spanks. I wanted a good quality one.
I had my baby with me and was dressed in sweats because I had extra weight on me and nothing I owned fit at the time. The lady who helped me said with a putting on airs type attitude, "You know, you have to keep your underwear on when trying these on." I said, "Excuse me?" She repeated it. That was probably my worst salesperson experience.
All my jobs have been in the customer service business and I never once had a complaint and never once wasn't able to solve a customers problem and would never, ever insult them. How dare she be so rude. It was clear that I was being judged by what I was wearing and the presence of my children. They get commissions on sales and I wasn't seen as a customer that would make them any money.


Marlene, you remind me of something. I can start answering the phone with: Freimann Mortuary, you stab 'em; we'll slab 'em.

I have one: How 'bout when they ask you how you are doing. You actually tell them in length. Give them TMI.

These people are earning their money in one of the hardest ways I can imagine - at the door and on the phone. I could not do it.
I always try to be short, but polite without embarrassing them - they are, after all, human beings, trying to make a living like everybody else.

Christine, it is very hard work and I can appreciate that is how they make their living but persistent annoyance is different. I usually do the best I can in these situations because I have worked in many aspects of life.. so work is work to me... its not easy or it wouldn't be called work. Also when religious people have come to my door and you know the ones I speak of, I decline but do tell them before they depart I admire them for having the determination and convictions and to believe enough to try to share their beliefs with everyone. I usually just tell them im Buddhist or some other religion and not interested and they understand but i do so admire them.

Our land line is only connected for the DSL, so if it rings, we know it's a sales call. I used to not answer, but I've heard that means they will try again until they connect. So now, after checking the caller ID (which is never a familiar number or name), I "answer", keep silent for a few seconds then hang up.
Some of the "lies" I've given: For those "police" charities, "My husband's a cop and said I better not give you people any of his money." (He isn't a cop) When the religious ring the doorbell, "Sorry, Pagan Jew here, but y'all have a great day!", then shut the door before they say a word.

I get that they're trying to earn a buck like the rest of us, but how many of us make phone calls all day or go door to door to sell our art? We've had cable salesmen that make car salesmen look like angels.

And Jean, the OP's name is Jani, not Jami.

Louise, Im sorry and disabled and don't see to well. I use a software to type here. Forgive me Jani, I am very sorry. I will dig up that photo as soon as I get the energy and share it with you ,once again im sorry for the mistake Jani. Illness and blindness is a terrible thing. I hope that you never get eye disabilities.. we never know what we have until it is gone.

And Louise it seems like you have an answer for everyone on everything.. and perhaps we should go door to door to sell our art, maybe it would work. You never know until you try..Jean

To the religion peddlers at the door, when they ask if you've heard the word of God today, you could say, "Why yes, and he told me not to talk to strangers".

To the telemarketers, when they ask you 'how are you today', you could say, "Not too good. I've got this rash in my nether region and it seems to be spreading. Have you ever had this? What do you think I should do? It's all red" (keep describing in as much detail as you can stand).

I have been a car salesman for a month now.

It is more difficult than most people think it is. I have read polls that said we were less trusted than members of congress.

If the lot is slow I will strike up conversations with people on the floor waiting for service. If they talk back, we talk. If they don't seem interested in talking I leave them alone.

I spent most of the day yesterday walking out to the lot to talk to people in 40 degree weather with wind and rain only to have them jump back in their car and drive away, refusing to make eye contact or acknowledge my wave.

Our lot closes at 7:00 and is closed all day Sunday. If you don't want to be "bothered" come when we are closed. If your not serious about buying a car, why are you driving around a car lot?

Salesmen are trying to earn a living. Everyone on this site is a salesman. Some are MUCH better at it than others. A good salesman, above all else, must be able to handle rejection from rude people. But for every 10 inconsiderate and rude customers there are good ones. I have only sold three cars this month. One customer invited me to his home to have a drink at his fancy bar the other gave me a hug after we were all done.

If it seems that ALL salesmen are rude and pushy then maybe it's not the salesmen, but they way YOU treat them.

Let's not overlook the important fact that people who knock on your door or call on your phone are UNSOLICITED.
My neighborhood has a big ole' sign posted about no solicitations and when I answer the door, I remind them of it, smile and wish them a good day. To date,
no one has returned to egg or toilet paper my home.

When you are in any type of store that is selling a product, it goes without saying that sales people will approach you to talk, help and encourage. If you went into an establishment and were ignored, you wouldn't be happy...so I guess one can always have something to complain about..just sayin'

John, with due respect to your current occupation (I have a son-in-law who makes his living selling cars), whenever I have been in the market for a car I have always gone to the lot on a Sunday to look at the inventory. That way I can look at the vehicle, read the window sticker, etc. w/o interruption. If I find what I like then I go back during business hours and go into the dealership and get a salesman to assist me.

As Marlene mentioned, it's the Unsolicited, door-to-door/telemaketers that seem to be the problem.

Greg,

I wish MORE people would do that!

My complaint was about the people that come when we are open and drive away in a hurry when I get half way to them. Not even bothering to acknowledge us with eye contact or a wave or rolling down the window and saying "I am just looking".

Like Marlene said, if you go to a place that sells cars when that place is open expect people to talk to you. That is part of our job.

Absolutely can understand that, John. I've had times where I've told the sales associate that I'm just looking and they hang with you anyway, talking up a storm. That's when I've left the premises. I've had it happen in furniture stores also. I worked retail for 4 years in home improvement, and I would acknowledge the customers presense, tell them to ask if they had any questions, then walk away, but stayed a distance away but within eyesight of them when possible. I didn't do well in retail because I wasn't the high-pressure style salesman....plus the hours were terrible.

Here's my favorite and it has to do with the Microsoft "problem with your computer" scam. They call and in their most serious voice (I can hear the call center in the background) say they have received a notice from Microsoft that there was a serious infestation of my computer. I act completely shocked and say, "No!! Oh my!! How did they know to call you?" So, they blow that off and I say, "what kind of computer do I have? I need to find out about this!". Of course, they can't answer and fall back into their whole thing about how dangerous it is. I keep on saying things like that and I'm laughing the whole time to myself. Finally, I say, "Can we go ahead and do this now? Are you sure you can help me?" When they think they've hooked me, I say "You're crazy as hell. How do you sleep at night, you creep. Everybody knows this is a scam". By this time, I've enjoyed myself immensely and they've hung up on me. Oh, the fun. lol

For a salesman, I actually feel for them so I'll just suddenly say in the middle of their pitch, "Oh, someone's at the door" and set the phone down never to return. OR, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I've got to go!" Pretty easy.

Like Greg, I wasn't really good at retail. Pay sucks, you're treated like chattel, hours weren't enough and I am not a pushy sales person. While I'd get decent reviews, there was always the "You didn't get enough people to apply for our cards." That's because to me, "no" means "no".

Lil, I used to get those scammers calling as well. Finally, I told one of them, "I don't HAVE a computer, you dumbass scammer." Never got another one. lol
Supposedly, for legit telemarketers, there is a "rule" that they can not hang up, that it must be the caller that does so.

Quick story: Back in 05, we had a remodeling salesman give us a pitch about getting a new roof. My husband had said yes when they cold-called (I wasn't home or I'd have said no). Salesman sat at our table for 3 hours going on about his stomach issues, his divorce, etc. and then hit us with the "spiel": The roof "would be" $11k+, but because we had them do work before, he'll "discount" it to $8200 but only if we signed right then and there. We did and I gave him a CC deposit of $2600.
Sure enough, the next day another contractor whom I had called got back to us and gave us a price of $4600. I called the first one and told them we were going with the second. That did NOT set well. I got threats that we'd be sued, told that someone would be by for measuring anyway, they even told me the product being used by #2 would be inferior. Sent the right of rescission as registered, so got a signature and thought we were in the clear. Nope. The threats continued and we contacted a lawyer friend who told us how to handle it.
We get a credit approval for the whole $11k+. Seems #1 was scamming the credit company by getting their "quoted" amount plus my deposit. I contacted the NJ Consumer Affairs, the county prosecutor and the CC company. In sort, I went full scale commando on them.
Found out after a few months that this company was fined about $500k for unfair sales practices, fraud and a few other charges but they did not go out of business. Score one for us.

I get a call about 6 months after this all went down from, yep-that company. I told the girl, "Do you have any idea who I am? I'm the one that got you in trouble with the state attorney. Don't ever call this number again." She was flustered to say the least. Felt really good.

Years ago we got a call from a home repair company wanting to give us a free estimate on anything from installation of new windows to a re-roofing. I said, "I'm sorry, we rent." He thanked me and hung up. "That was easy," I thought. So I've used the line ever since - regardless of whether it's true or logical. Call me and ask me to look into changing me credit card and I say, "I'm sorry, we rent." There's always a brief silence as the person at the other end tries to make make sense of this and then, usually, a quiet "Oh?" I hang up pretty quickly, too :)

My mother when she was housebound,....did this to annoying telemarketers.

If they were on the phone,...telemarketing,......blow a loud whistle into the speaking mouthpiece,....and hang up.

Worked though

I love Nikolyn's technique. If they come in person, I don't answer the door. The TMI idea, like describing in a rash, sound like great ideas.

I don't have any advice personally but saw this on fb one time and thought it was too good not to share. The poor telemarketer.



As far as the lives of telemarketers go, this NPR article might prove interesting if off topic.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1434335

'how are you doing' - except that it got back to my better half and she wasn't pleased - I said, "I am dying." You really don't need any more information.

When Mr. Shark comes to the door and says " Hi, I represent Boggit and Leggit double glazing (or some other house/building/maintenace company)" I tell him that I rent the house and he will have to contact the owner (living abroard) via the rental agents.
That soon knocks the wind out of his sails and he quickly drifts away appologising for troubling me.

To those who seem to object to the contents of this thread:
This thread is meant in good fun. It is not really a 'how to' thread. Of course, in real life, we all should be compassionate and polite. The goal of comedy is to release tension. Hence the term comic relief.
We are all salesmen here or at least should be. I've personally been in sales/retail most of my life.
There is never an excuse for being annoying no matter what you are selling and nowadays unsolicited sales are completely unnecessary.

The key to proper salesmanship is to treat the customer like they are always right; which means what they want is your priority and you won't quit until they are satisfied, don't take what they say personally and you will probably never be a bad salesmen. I never was and never am. Can't recall one time that I didn't have a satisfied customer and, believe me, I can be an overbearing person, make lots of mistakes and had customers that started out angry. It was because my attitude was that they were the most important thing to me at that time, never ever did I bring my personal problems into the equation, and my job wasn't done until they were satisfied. If what they wanted was beyond my reach, I would direct them to the correct people.

Have professional high standards for yourself and your products, believe in what you do, and don't stop until you deliver that high standard with complete and real honesty. That's salesmanship. People find it extremely refreshing. There is no excuse for anything less. That is what is suppose to look like.
That kind of salesmanship is becoming more and more of a lost art in a lot of businesses and that is frustrating to everyone. Hence this thread. A little comic relief goes a long way to restoring tolerance and compassion.

That's a great story, Louise.

Jean, no worries. I get lots of versions of my name. I'm use to it. The only pronunciation I won't turn my head to is "Yaw-Knee". A girl's gotta have limits.

Jani,
How about this:
To those who object to this thread...so sad, too bad.

Next up...5 ways to leave your lover ;)

Get out the back, Jack. :-)

Love that song.

That would also be a way to avoid a salesperson.

Getting rid of religious salespeople is pretty simple. Just put up a sign that clearly, boldly states ... NO SOLICITATION ....

The salespeople are legally required to obey it, as I understand. After several summers of onslaught by these folks, I finally posted two such signs, and this seems to do the trick.

As for catchy phrases to use on a salesperson's premises, ... well, ... the only one I might suggest is ... "I am not looking to buy anything; I am just waiting for Jesus."

Ain't so simle, Robert..I live in a no soliciation neighborhood and it hasn't slowed them down much.


How about " oh good, you're here! The cauldron is almost ready for the human sacrifice!"

or " Our cannibal monthly group wants to know if you taste better with white or red wine?"

Do you have a sign in YOUR yard?

Marlene, those statement should get you black balled.

I went to a friend's house the other day and noticed he had a long-handled scythe. I could borrow that and answer the door as the grim reaper saying, "Good they're sending them to me now. I love working from home. Cuts down on my business expenses."

...Or I could just get a sign like Robert suggests.