I feel so sorry for you and your loss, I've been there many times. I always adopt another and now I have three beloved furry cat friends. They all fight, they all scratch and demand my service, they are the worst behaved cats at the vets office, but they love me unconditionally and I suppose that is what you miss the most. I held my last cat as he took his last three breaths and I fear death no more as a result. With each and every one of them, (my dogs cats, friends, and family) they always look back at me. This always puts a tear in my eye...so hold strong. Get another furry friend fast. And hold them in their last seconds...they always look back at you. You'll thank me later on this note.