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9 Years Ago
The Sales Fairy Group
About This Group
This group is for the camera arteest and hairy stick arteest. That means anyone. The only stipulation we have in this group is that you have a sense of humour. Most groups in FAA are to serious, thats ok if you know what you are doing on this site. So. I thought its about time we got a lighter side and started to have a laff. We say LAFF where I come from, that's my dialect. Now. If you are a serious arteest then maybe this group is not for you. By all means you are very welcome if you SUPPORT you fellow arteests. If you have not got a sense of humour then stay away. At present there will be no features, no daily images. The only rules are humour. Have a laff, lighten up.
JOKES ALLOWED. HAVE FUN.
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9 Years Ago
Another Dibley.
Superman's feeling a bit bored because Batman and Spiderman are on a scuba diving course, so he doesn't have anyone to play with.
So he's flying around. Suddenly he sees Wonder Woman spreadeagled naked on top of a tall building.
He's always fancied Wonder Woman so he thinks now's my chance and he swoops down and faster than a speeding bullet does the business and then he flies off again.
A moment later Wonder Woman says "what was that?"
Then the Invisible Man climbs off her and says "I don't know but it hurt a lot".
9 Years Ago
rofl Lins ... what does COAT mean?
The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
9 Years Ago
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
9 Years Ago
Wendy coat is what we say for when someone tells a bad joke. All in jest of course. ie would you like to put your coat on and go. That kind of thing
xx
9 Years Ago
ah ok ... in that case COAT fits all jokes I tell lol!
While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi.
“It’s taped under the modem,”
I told him.
After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”
9 Years Ago
PMSL Wendy, nice one.
Defenitions
ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends
And is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.
CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.
INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN:
A grape with a sunburn.
SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES:
Something other people have,
Similar to my character lines
9 Years Ago
ROFLMAO Lins :)
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.
9 Years Ago
Q: Why did the boy eat his homework?
A: Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.
Laters xx
9 Years Ago
lol Lins!
A man goes into a bar and always orders 3 pints of beer. When he has finished he leaves. He does this every week for months.
Finally the barman asks him why he orders 3 pints at once.
He says "my brothers and myself life a long way from each other but we made a pact to go to the pub every week and drink to each others health."
This goes on for years. One day the man only orders 2 pints.
So the barman says "I am sorry for your loss mate"
The man looks at him and says "why do you say that?"
The barman says "well you only ordered 2 pints so I assumed one of your brothers had died".
The man says
"Nah, they are both fine but the doc said I had to give up drinking"
9 Years Ago
LOL Wendy.
Now I am really dredging the barrel here, wait for it, wait for iiiiittttt.
Horse walks into a bar and the barman says, 'why the long face'
OK OK I will get me own coat.
xx
9 Years Ago
A man died and went to The Judgement, they told him , “Before you meet with God, I should tell you — we've looked over your life, and to be honest you really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We’re not really sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?”
The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, “Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a person who was being harassed by a group of thugs. So I pulled over, got out a bat, and went up to the leader of the thugs. He was a big, muscular guy with a ring pierced through his lip. Well, I tore the ring out of his lip, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering this guy or they would have to deal with me!”
“Wow that’s impressive, “When did this happen?”
“About three minutes ago,” came the reply.
9 Years Ago
LOL Wendy.
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!" The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit, Ginger!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit, Ginger, get away from her before she shits on you!"
9 Years Ago
A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
Around 1:00 a.m. the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet and get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
"'Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket."
After a moment of silence, he farted.
:)
9 Years Ago
LMAO Lee. Good one.
Two guys are standing in line to enter heaven. One turned around and asked the other how he died. "I froze to death. How about you?" "I had a heart attack." "How did that happen?" "Well, I suspected my wife was cheating on me. So after work I went straight home. I ran upstairs to find my wife sleeping by herself. Then I ran back downstairs and looked in all the hiding spots. When I was running back up the stairs, I had a heart attack." "That's ironic." "Why?" "If you would've looked in the fridge, we'd both be alive."
9 Years Ago
lol good ones!
Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feeling that now wasn't the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I'm sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from. With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it.
The note said “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”
9 Years Ago
A Rabbi.... a Priest... and a Monk walk into a bar....... and the bartender says.... "What is this, a JOKE?"
ba dump bump
9 Years Ago
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table and, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order , spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!
Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 a.m., pissed out of your mind, you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. All in all, one hell of a performance Dad."
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed....
"Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $8.20
Two Aspirins $0.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time. . PRICELESS
