Critique Wanted!

Graphic designer of 15 years,..this needs to be much brighter and you need to show a little to a lot more peripheral area and more of the person standing there. It's hard to see, and I'm not even sure it is one, but it looks like there is a shadow of a pair of crutches or a walker, which makes this piece very impactful, but for me, looking at my screen, I have to squint to see it. The angle makes it hard to see if this person lost a leg or is just walking towards the edge of a narrow staircase. The potential for a very impactful piece is here, just need to see more of it, feels claustrophobic.

i thought there was a leg missing

u prob got it in ya backpack tho with that midget lol

barry listen, if u really do have one leg im really sorry for this offensive post.... hugs man

I'm not at all sure what I'm looking at, or the relevance of the title.

leg [leg] Show IPA
noun
1.
either of the two lower limbs of a biped, as a human being, or any of the paired limbs of an animal, arthropod, etc., that support and move the body.
2.
Anatomy . the lower limb of a human being from the knee to the ankle.
3.
something resembling or suggesting a leg in use, position, or appearance.
4.
the part of a garment that covers the leg: the leg of a stocking; trouser leg.
5.
one of usually several, relatively tall, slender supports for a piece of furniture.


go for option 3

Thank you very much John.. Great input! I'll take it all on board when I start playing around with it again. I did do a coloured posterized version which looked like it was from one of those old Victor war comics. Every thing was much more obvious in that image (no squinting required:) but the comic book appearance kinda cheapened the message and detracted from the lonely and forgotten feel which the squint into the gloominess creates in this version.

Jason.. the midget IS the missing leg.. He does it for $4.50 an hour, but it was his day off when I took this shot...

cool. hope he does the shopping too :-) ok barry im shitting myself, do u have a foot or leg missing and was u a soldier? is that the point of this shot?

Murray... Iv'e kept it kinda vague. I didn't want to define a particular type of Hero ie: War, Rescue or accident victim ect.. But I believe that anyone who has lost a leg, either through war, industry or accident.. under whatever circumstances, but can still get up in the morning and face their day is a Hero!

Lol..yeah he's handy for lots of things Jason :-) Not me Dude... Mine are both still there (although one of them has a greatly reduced capacity and pretty much just gets dragged around)

edit:Yeah that's the point of it.. just to highlight the plight of the injured war vets etc that are to often forgotten about!

ok got u Baz, Murray is the expert!! :-) he is the man! im off... .

I understand, Barry. But looking at the image, I didn't get any of that. I've always believed that an image should explain itself. If it had no title, would that be the case here?

A different perspective would help sell what is going on, it's not going to be obvious what you are trying to convey from this angle. I didn't know what I was looking at until I read the description, I don't know if that's a bad thing or not..

Ok... thanks again John.. I'm still not sure if it's a bad thing either, I kinda like the fact that it's not immediately obvious whats going on..I think this aspect would lend itself well to a billboard advertising campaign with plenty of room for text.

So far I'm getting the jist that it may need to be a lot clearer and more obvious whats going on! So losing the blur and brightening it up may be the way to go, and bearing in mind Murray's advice that the image should speak for itself..

I was thinking that simply emphasizing his walking aid would help here.

Thank y'all

The photo just looks like you accidentally tripped the shutter while adjusting your camera. None of the amputee-hero angle is coming across.


Dan Turner
Dan Turner's Seven Keys to Selling Art Online

No problem.. I think you get it, you have good set pieces that just need better execution, but it's all there. Honestly, having to read the description and having the revelation of what is going on was pretty cool. But don't do it again.. lol. :)

I get what your saying Dan.. The photo could very easily be overlooked(forgotten) as an accidental trip.. much like the amputee in the picture! Yeah...it's not just a snapshot...its art!

I don't get it. Would anyone want to hang it on the wall ?

LOL..thanks John..:-) Yeah, unfortunately I always put a BIG emphasis on the description behind my art..It often makes all the difference to understanding a piece and you just cant beat seeing that look of wondrous realization on peoples faces and the great comments when they "Get it" :-)

LOL..Gene..I'm definitely thinking more in terms of Licencing for advertising etc...

Just saw this, and I haven't read the other comments. It feels precarious, and to bring that out, it needs to be clear and brighter. It is showing up a little too dark on my screen. I don't think the motion blur works with this image that well, mostly because the cane is obscured. Great idea, but I would stick with a clearer image. I am viewing this from the vantage point of the subject going down circular stairs with one leg and a cane ... right? If that's what you are portraying, then I'd prefer to see it more clearly to get the full effect. I'm liking it the more I study it, however. And it's making me dizzy! LOL. Nice concept!

From a distance and at a glance, The image looks like a dark spiraling tunnel with light at the end of it.. This was intentional..

See, I got the amputee thing, but not until I really studied the image. I saw what I think is a combat boot, and then I saw the cane, and the space between the boot and the cane where the other foot used to be. I think this could be a very moving image.

If it had more contrast and was sharper, it would be much more striking. I like that it kind of sneaks up on you, the meaning in relation to the title, but the photo itself looks to be low quality because of the narrow dark range of color and the overall blur and grain.

Use a subtle hand in editing it, if you make it too strong it will lose the soft everyday struggle feeling and become heavy handed and preachy. It needs highlights and clarity, and not much else, IMO.

Thanks very much Patricia.. we all seem to agree on it needing to be more obvious.. The dizziness effect was also intentional.. just to add to the whole precariousness of the "victims" situation. I'm thinking that it might be best to keep the blur for this reason..but to brighten it up and have the walking aid more clearly shown and sharper!

I don't know about the blur, keeping it sharp keeps it to the impact of the image. Anyway for me.

Well if you ask for critique from a "poster art/advertising standpoint" ...it is my guess that this image would make a bad print due to its poor quality / resolution . Regarding your "message"... that`s highly subjective / debateble. I`ve seen way too many images that were, in my opinion, "meaningless" but sold for millions.

Thank you all for your contributions... Y'all have given me lots to think about.. I am now going to attempt some of the suggestions offered and update this thread with a few alternatives. Thanks again!

Graphic designer, here, too...my first thought is that it lacks contrast. The only thing your eye grabs onto is the sliver of light coming in from the left. Until I read the other posts I never even noticed the cane. It could be a very impactful image if we saw that detail right away.

Thanks Valerie...

Here's the edit.. I have sacrificed the vertigo effect for a more striking contrasting look.. It's a little more obvious whats going on now, but not too obvious. I think I've managed to maintain a bit of the intentional vagueness.. I tried the selective colour in the fatigues and bootlace but it just didn't sit well! I'm much happier with this one but still can't settle on a title.. Any suggestions?

One Step at a Time?

Barry,

The words I'm about to use might make me gag.

RE; Original v. Revision


My impression:

Somewhere in between...A ( God help me) Compromise.

Lighter than the original..Darker than the revision.

The steps need gradation from top to bottom

The side of the stairs made considerably darker, perhaps the original.

Did I just write, "Compromise"??

LOL...Thanks Roger.. I think you may be right... I definitely prefer the revised one.. It has that "impact" I was looking for, but the big bright wedge that is the side of the stairs is niggling at me a bit. I'll play around some more :-)

Sydne..Thanks. It's a great start... I like it!

I like the revision a lot better, Barry. Think about darkening the last four steps at the upper left. My eye keeps being drawn to them. Not too dark, though, since they seem to 'draw' the subject there, highlighting what he's trying to do.

Thanks Murray, It's getting there.. I agree, I'll sort those steps while fixing the "wedge".. This should balance the image more..ta!

I am agree this version is much better but... Some controversy still exist.
Let take closer look for end of Cane (crutch). Why its end is in complete shadow?
The light is coming directly into this spot and we expect to see details of cane.
The best you can do:
a.ignore my input
b.post raw (original not edited) file and activate green square.

At first look I couldn't make it out at all until I read some of the comments. I am an oil painter...not a photographer, but the basic rules of composition still apply. Most of the other comments seem correct to me...good luck!

Thanks Viktor.. I'll explain the lighting.. There is a light source behind and to the right of the model casting a shadow from the crutch..there is another light source at the bottom of the stairs which being much lower than the "landing" area, fails to illuminate the end of the crutch. This is also why only the leading edge of the higher stairs is highlighted. I hope this helps you to understand what you're seeing.. The green square is active on this one but I have no intention of posting the RAW.. thanks again :-)

Anne..thanks.. have you seen the revised version??? maybe not.. thanks anyway ;-)

Title suggestion: "Some of Us Are Going Down" or "We Are All on The Stairs" then in the description you could put "some of us are going up and some of us are going down"

Thank you Theresa :-)..

Well I think this is the last edit (unless there's anything glaring that I've missed)... Methinks there's a much better balance in this one thanks to Roger and Murray. Huge thanks to everyone who took the time to contribute!

I think that's about the best you're going to do with this image. Good job!

First thing that popped into my mind for the title was "Risk." Or maybe "Challenge." I tend to go for fewer words. : )

I did like the first version for its sense of movement in the blurriness, made me feel unsteady, also i got the feeling frm the tones that the stairs were metallic, which made me assume a sound, it wasn't obvious that he had a stick, or missing leg, so yes I had to work on it, but i liked the mystery. But you are right about final one, much more obvious what we are looking at, rather than unsteadiness there's trepidation of the next step, also looks like stair carpet, so we gather he's safe at home, or at least not in a barracks etc. the focus is on the lost limb
whereas before he looked like he was moving pretty quickly. Much clearer and crisp and obvious still with a little subtelty, but i still like the first one.
One thing, the cane looks like a large paintbrush due to its too dark shadow.
teresa's suggestion, 'some of us are going down' was good, but I thought too long. I thought 'going Down' was perfect like in the verse frorm the Ode of Remembrance , 'at the going down of the sun' (son)


They went with songs to the battle, they were young.
Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,
They fell with their faces to the foe.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them.

They mingle not with their laughing comrades again;
They sit no more at familiar tables of home;
They have no lot in our labour of the day-time;
They sleep beyond England's foam

I like this version much better, Barry.

Title suggestion:

Hold Your Horses I'll Be Right There.

Thanks Murray.

I like those single word titles Valerie..I'm with you on that!

Maria.. I'm glad you see the homely aspect to it now. Roger's suggestion to keep it in the home inspired me to bring out the carpet more. Seems to have worked. I also liked the movement in the first version but I had to sacrifice it for clarity..oh well :-) Giant paintbrush?...lol.. I like it! I also like the title suggestion "Going Down"... My favourite so far methinks. Thanks Maria.

Thanks Walter. I do like your title suggestion. It reveals a bit more of whats going on... however, it is a wee bit on the long side.. I'm thinking maybe just the "be right there" part or something in that vein.. "Just a minute!".maybe...anyhow, Thanks for your input. Much appreciated!

Ehhhhhhh right OK Barry

Ummmm get your hair cut

Geordie.. Please save your attempts at comedy for one of the humour threads.. If you have a title suggestion or constructive comment to leave then please do so. Thankyou.

Hey Barry,

In the header you included some Victor comic book pages that were serving as inspiration for you. Have you maybe considered adding some targeted Pop-Art type colors to you image to create a little added drama and guide the viewer towards your focus? Just a random thought...

Meli

Wow, 1100 views Barry........glad for you.
Can't help otherwise,lol. Cheers, V

Murray's last post is right. But you can try removing the building part of the shot and put an aerial view image in that triangle space. ;)

Hi Meli.. I'm pretty much finished with this version but I am planning to do the comic book version as an aside..I take your suggestion on board..thanks :-)

Thanks Viv.. :-)

Lawrence.. It's a great idea! thanks.. i think i will try it on the other version.. cheers!

Wow! nearly as popular as the new app...lol