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A crime has been allowed to flourish for far too long. This crime reaches to the very heart (literally) of every human being's individual freedom to control his or her God given parcels. The criminals perpetuating these crimes have gotten away with committing them since time immemorial. The time to start addressing this poor state of affairs, then, is now. Here in our current historical era, we have a great responsibility - a duty - to initiate actions to protect ourselves from further occurrences of these hideous, insidious crimes of theft.
I am talking about the mass theft, on the grandest scale imaginable, of the molecules of air that I breathe. These molecules of air have touched the very core of my living being, permeating my tissues, coursing through my veins, invigorating and sustaining my very life on this Earth. They are mine for the time that they are within the bellows of my lungs and hollows of my tissues, and they are mine when I exhale them into surroundings that I continue to inhabit for my entire cycle of life. I have not, in any way, implied that anyone else may breathe them, after me. I gave my air molecules unique genetic markers, and this makes them my property - my extended, physiological property that the laws of this land should regard as sacred.
Each pulsing breath that I take requires a complex symphony of personal muscular efforts that I alone produce, during precious instants of being alive, as I draw those molecules into my lungs and expel them into my space again for further use by me and me alone. Stealing my air molecules by breathing them during unauthorized acts of respiration is using the hard work that I have invested, for the purposes of furthering interests of others outside of me, even for the purposes of using this effort to profit commercially - an abomination of the worst kind!
No other person has an automatic right to use my effort in this manner, to further his or her own selfish ends. These molecules that I breathe in and out are mine to control, even when they no longer exist within the bounded confines of my own anatomical limits in space and time, ... even when they are out of my vigilant powers of overseeing and guardianship, ... and even when they might be used in some higher good that I do not know about. Justice demands that I know clearly how every part that originates with me is used.
The laws of this land, thus, should protect my precious, intimate parcels of organic being to the fullest extent. The criminals breathing my air in unauthorized acts of respiration should all stand before the courts and face the consequences of their serious crimes. These callous criminals should be compelled to pay me for each molecule of my air that they breathe and re-breathe. Again, these intimate pieces of me are physical extensions of my very makeup and functioning, and so they are mine to control. Anybody breathing these pieces of me without my permission demonstrates
neither respect for the private personal life process nor respect for private property rights of their fellow human beings.
Fellow artists, ... I call upon you today to take action, to do your parts in starting to correct this serious flaw in the moral fabric of our current civilization.
hard to enforce unless you can claim the copyright to the the molecules. or prove they were ever yours, and your not just borrowing them from me, which by the way you owe me back rent for the ones you just breathed in.
Mike, your soulless act of breathing my air molecules is gonna cost you, buddy.
You, of all people, should recognize acts of unauthorized respiration when you see them. I hereby issue you a "stop breathing" notice, to immediately cease and desist from breathing my air.
Jeff, it doesn't matter if you see my name on my air molecules or not. They are mine, and they became mine when I breathed them, processed them, and exhaled them. Be warned that you will be included in my class action law suit, which includes all humanity.
Yes, they most certainly are, and THAT's the problem. Everybody is breathing them without my permission. Damn you all! You thieves! You parasites! Stealing my hard-breathed air! You should all rot in prison!
i make my own air with a special combination of plants and air building equipment, so anything that went into me, i made, anything i expel, you breathed in. my lawyer will be in contact with you. my proof? you'll have to examine them closely, but you'll see a small mustache that looks like mine, on each one.
The problems of BO and flatulence are further insults to my and your and everybody's air, ... to which we (each and everyone) have equal absolute claims. Imagine the horror, when I was confronted by some of my hard-breathed air molecules being altered by the fumes of others! ... And smoking? - don't even get me started.
Even worse, there are athletes using disproportionate shares of my prized molecular possessions, sucking in huge cubic-foot volumes of them in the course of their endurance training. They should be paying me for that accelerated use. Yep, ultral-marathoners - that's where the big bucks would be. Lance Armstrong, for example, owes me big time, as well as his theivin' teammates, sucking in all my precious air molecules, using performance-enhancing methods to which I have no access. It's just not fair, I tell you!
Mike, on a side note, to answer your question: I made the picture from a public domain anatomy image at Wikipedia and a metal sign product image at Ebay [photo edited, by cloning out the presented text and adding my own important message in a scaled down version that I layered onto the anatomy image] to present as an illustration in the social commentary surrounding the perplexing modern-day problem that I am now bringing to light.
Paul, ... false analogies? ... Who's making false analogies? This is a serious problem here I'm talking about. You want to breath my air, then you better pay up, dude.
And Brian, I would appreciate any guidance that you could give on getting patents on my air. Who should I contact?
Robert - I suppose that might depend on which type of air you wish to patent...
If it's "Hot Air", I would suggest writing your congressman since they seem to be the experts in that department. (I would suggest sampling the air during a campaign).
If it's cold air, you better hurry since "Global Warming" is threatening our cold air supply! Perhaps scientists not being paid to cover up the facts by the government would be the direction to take however, I have no idea how to discern one from another.
If it's pure air, you'd have to inquire through NASA, since all the pure air is now being breathed at the International Space Station!
If it's an air of concern, you can definitely rule out congress since it would take a bipartisanship! Besides, there seems to be no common ground for anyone to agree to a patent.
Your best bet is to just take a deep breath and hold it as long as you can. When you have to exhale, try to blow smoke up their asses. Then you'd be talking their language. That's the only way they might understand. :)
Great advice, Brian W. ... a primo excellent reply!
I think that the "hot air" route might be the way to go, as I would first have to get our lawmakers on board with the idea of patenting my air molecules. And since these lawmakers are, as you say, such experts in the particular mechanics of hot air, and since I myself am blowing quite a bit of it, I am sure that their experience could be transferred to the handling of MY air. But wait, this discussion is now drifting into the nether world of politics, which is an air that the moderator will not allow to stink up this discussion forum. Better get back on track.
I propose the Prodigious Millennial Respiration Act, which would limit the use of my air molecules to only me. No tainting with others' BO, perfume, smoke fumes, or other modifications, unless appropriate licenses were issued and paid for. In this way, every last atom of my physical anatomical creation would be protected from those infringing thieves breathing my air.
1) you are exhaling co2, this has been labeled a pollutant by the EPA. it is now regulated. if you breathe excessively you are what is known as a gross emitter, and face penalties. Also expelled air can be considered hazardous waste. I wouldn't advise claiming you were the origin of said waste, you could face further fines and penalties. or be forced to buy a permit to exhale.
2) also if the theft of your air still is a concern, securely tie an airtite bag around your neck to keep others from breathing them. After several minutes you will find you are no longer concerned. :)
All us air breathers, unfortunately, are victims of the EPA's erroneous assessment of our gases, which condemns our plant-fertilizing CO2, while ignoring and endorsing the scourge of eeeevill oxygen, which is causing inorganic corrosion, as well as organic cellular oxidation damage all around us. I will not be abiding by EPA's assessment in this case, therefore. This is just another in the long line of challenges to, not only lay proper claim to my air molecules, but also to vindicate their positive influence on the planet too.
As to your second point, I am confident in my anatomical boundary's ability to delineate the air molecules that are already inside me. The issue is the large number of my molecules that I breathe into the air, OUTSIDE the bounds of my watchful eye, OUTSIDE the time constraints of my responsible proximate vigilance to guard them from encroachment by others wanting to use them, without paying me to do so. I went to all this effort to inhale those molecules and exhale them, adding vital gaseous plant fertilizer to the air through the power of my own physiology, only to have other people try to inhale, exhale and claim this air as their own, ... adding their own additional features to my precious life-giving creations. This is criminal activity, ... stealing plain and simple, and I will not stand for it. I will sue.
And speaking of suing, Cluad O., I have retained the services of Savad Savad & Savad law firm to handle my case. As you might be aware, this law firm has a reputation of being tenacious and victorious. You will be receiving a cease and desist order from them shortly, as well as your best out-of-court deal under these circumstances. You WILL pay, my friend. Yes, you will pay dearly.
You are quite generous to give away your air for free. Unfortunately, you are giving us "real" air artists a bad name by doing this. You are setting up a situation where you further enable anybody to take our air at any time. Those of us who make a living from selling our air, in no way, benefit from your amateurish generosity.
I worked long and hard to make my air, and, by God, I should get paid for it. People taking any molecular fraction of my air whatsoever (from either orifice of its passing) should rot in a jail cell in Siberia.