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I was born in East Los Angeles California. My parents were heavily involved in the East Los Angeles punk scene. I was born into this scene and attended band practices from a very young age. My father who refers to himself as Jesse Fixx was in a band called The Stains. I grew up seeing Mohawks, tattoos, spikes, converse, and dogs getting into the pot stash. Both of my parents were drug addicts in some way or another. I found out later that my parents were swingers. My dad accused my mom of being bisexual and my dad claimed to be bisexual. I never saw it myself. I had no way of knowing it was true especially since my dad often said things for shock value. He wore a Nazi uniform to perform, go figure.
My father read many books on socialism, anarchy, and community activism. Books I saw when I was little Kenneth Anger, punk rock flyers, and band practices. I grew up listening to The Sex Pistols, The Ramones, Black Flag, Jimmy Hendrix, Black Sabbath, etc. It was normal to “rebel”, be honest, ask questions, and wear whatever I wanted. But I obviously could not be raised by these two and still be living to recant the story...
I spent some time with my grandmother. She is ultra catholic and the epitomy of what an older women from Mexico City is like. She is quick, insincerely polite, conservative, and a little arrogant when it comes to referring to people who live in pueblos. I went to church every Sunday. Her home was and still is covered in crosses and gaudy pictures of the Virgin Mary and Christ. References to god were made every other hour of the day.
At age 14 I decided I was not Catholic and that I did not believe in god. I didn’t tell anyone and I kept attending church with my grandmother. I was not hiding it. I just chose not to share it. I did enjoy listening to some guy recant prayers in Latin. I enjoyed the high ceilings and stained glass windows. I just didn’t agree with sexism, the ultimate authority of any being, the ridiculous stories of resurrection, observing all the hypocrisy, and the fear tactics that were used to control people. One time I was chewing gum in church. My grandmother told me I was chewing the body of Christ. I was disgusted and didn't think Christ's body looked like gum at all. (But this experience was the begining of smelling bullshit. It's like when you discovered Santa was not real. I blew that one at about age 4.)However, I did enjoy the Latin and the seductive ambiance of the church.
When I started college one of the first classes I took was art history. My artistic influences begin at college with Caravaggio, Cezanne, Bosch, and gothic art. The symbolism in art fascinated me. Looking at a painting and understanding it felt like knowing secret. I feel that art employs all subjects like science, history, math, politics, chemistry, etc. and therefore art history was a very attractive major for me.
As a young adult I worked as a caretaker with homeless teens in Hollywood, Rampart district, and the Redondo area. At another point I tutored teens in the projects of Compton. My last job with community services was answering hotline phone calls. I wanted to help people. I wanted to change their lives for the better. But I was mistreated, over worked, under paid, and began to feel extremely anxious and depressed. Sometimes I was given checks that didn’t clear.
Then I decided to make a list of all the tasks I would like to complete in my life. I found a job that paid very well at The Chateau. The Chateau was or is a bd/sm club. I was the receptionist, cashier, booker, and sometimes counselor. In 2005 I started working at a dungeon and had a long distance relationship. It was easy to kinda get fetishy with those two situations occurring concurrently.
During this time I saw many men in suites and ties walk in and then later being walked like a dog in the nude. I learned about all the various fetishes people could have. From that experience I learned that any one was capable of anything. I also learned that a person had more value being involved in the fetish scene because in the “straight” world you have the typical breasts, lips, legs, butt, etc. However, in this subculture feet, hair, hairy legs, being fat, or simply wearing stilettos was in addition to the value of a person. I had barrowed equipment from The Chateau to shoot my photos. I never asked for permission.
Soon after that I found a “real” job. I began working for an orthopedic institute. But right before that I was offered a job editing photos for a porn business. I often wonder where my life would be if I had taken that job. I always remember that phone call because the girl was laughing while she was telling me 'It's a porn business'. I didn't see any reason for laughter as it was clear on the ad it was for the 'adult' industry. If it was 'embarrassing' to me or to her then why be in that business?
Any ways...the dress code at this orthopedic institute was no piercings; tattoos, open toe shoes, tennis shoes, low cut blouses, tight paints, unnaturally colored hair, and your shirt had to be tucked in all the time. I began participating in art shows with Liquid City Productions while I worked there. I I would pack all my work in the car (after having stayed up till 3am working on photos or framing), all my set up supplies, and my clothes for the reception. I only told my friend Travis what I did outside of work. After all, I was succumbed to Power 106 fm everyday for 8 hours a day for 3.5 years. There was no reason for me to feel that they would understand. After all, I was not in need of affirmation from that mass. I absolutely hated working there and I hope that building burns down one day.
I began organizing my own art events (2005) because I could not get booked enough. They were looking for painters and I was a photographer. They were looking for art, but erotic work was not appropriate. I have organized events art and music events at the Airliner, The American Legion in Highland Park, La Culebra Park, The M Bar, and my house.
I was laid off in August of 2008. Therefore, I read, watched documentaries from the library, and volunteered a lot of time to my community. I read George Bataille, Desmond Morris, about Hindu Goddess like Kali, and a few serial killer books I had lying around the house. I watched documentaries on the history of rock and roll, the history of heavy metal, Frida Kahlo, etc. I cashed out my 401k and kept reading.
In November of 2008 I decided to hijack the bus Arroyo Arts Collective Tour. I was rejected, but another person asked me if I would lead the tour and I agreed. The tour goes through my community. I later found out that they used public funds to coordinate this tour. The public funds came from my neighborhood council and no one ever voted on its approval and outreach to participate was not done. As an artist I was rejected and as a community member I was intentionally not informed. I planned to lead the tour to my house. Therefore, I emptied my home, invited a couple of other artists to display work, had some snacks and led the tour over to my house. No one from the tour bus asked any questions and I was never reprimanded.
Social issues and politics have always been of interest to me (they still are, but I am trying to stick to a time line here). Therefore, I volunteered a lot of my time to my community. I wrote letters to deny more alcohol licenses in my community, supported animal rights, and attended community meetings. I eventually became the Outreach Director of the Historical Highland Park Neighborhood Council. I knew eventually they would find out about my art work. Therefore, I prepared by observing J.F.K, Martin Luther King, Ronald Reagan, Malcolm X, Che Guevara, and even Hitler. I was just trying to learn how to stand my ground and still have the support of my community.
They did find out and when they did parents attacked me. They were angry because I submitted an agenda item. It was as follows:
“Discussion regarding the impact of cultural entertainment that to be used at future HHPNC events. Each performer should promote the artistic diversity of Highland Park in a positive and educating manner. In the recent past there was one event with several groups of performers featuring young girls where little clothing dancing in provocative manner. These types of performances are sending the wrong message to both the performers and the audience, and they are not representative of Highland Park: a community rich in history, art, culture, and nature.”
About 8 of them with their daughters attended the meeting and spoke about me in the 3rd person. The teenage girls were there angry and crying in public. I stated that I was an adult and I could be an artist is I wanted to. I understand the power of my sexuality and the responsibility that comes with flaunting it. The girls cried saying that they did not have enough money for costumes. This was their excuse for dressing like whores at a community event… I encouraged them to ask for public funds and assist them in their hair, makeup, and attire. I thanked them for taking the time to find my pictures on the internet as my name is not associated with them. In addition, I told the parents that it was their responsibility to supervise their children on the internet.
The meeting ended with a handful of pens thrown at me by the bully of the group. I had to be escorted to my car and home. I eventually had to file a police report.
It was a serious scandal. The parents printed my pictures and showed them to church leaders in order to embarrass me and harass me. I ignored this as I already knew it was coming. The value of my community service was not less because I was discovered to be an erotic artist.
After working in my community, educating my self, and observing them I began to feel objectified as human being. It's like they cared more about the 'scandal' than about how much my this 'porn' artist had helped our community. I made a difference. I worked really hard and stood up for the what I believed in. I have concluded that all humans are objectified by their government, the media, corporations, and worst of all each other even families and lovers.
In the year 2011 I meet someone in my photography class, we go out, break up, and then I find out I am pregnant. He pressures me to abort and makes my life hell from there forward. That's fine, I graduated with a bachelor's degree in Spring of 2012. In addition, I will be attending graduate school out of state in August of 2013.
Yeah, I have had quite a few wild moments. But I can't say I am bored...
My photography is abstract, surreal, erotic, and conceptual. I am a staged photographer that takes pictures of the female body. And lately, mannequins. The photos are black and white and always in high contrast. I am an admirer of Caravaggio. Therefore, I employ my version chiaroscurro to add a seductive and film noir feel to my work.
A reaction to the objectivity of humanity is what my photography can be about. I motion to reset the value we have torward ourselves and others. I never include genitals, faces, a full on buttox, and/or breasts because I want you to appreciate the smaller details and add more value to ourselves and others. It's easy to click on a porn site for free and see all the dick and pussy your heart desires. But you miss the details of your own sex and fail to appreciate the bodies of others. Americans suffer from instant gratification. Therefore, my photos make one slow down and realize that the human body is not just for work or fucking. We think and we feel and this is what makes us or should make us great.
The objectification of humanity and relearning to value the human body that's one way to phrase what my photos are about.
What does it all mean? Why black and white? It's black and white because that's how 'I' am. I give yes or no answers and that's what I want as well. I hate 'maybe' or I don't 'know'. I realize ambiguity makes life interesting but it sure is a pain in the ass sometimes. Why high contrast? I am direct and I feel this is the reason why the contrast is high. I like my images the way I like my cigars, wines, and men. I am not sure what that means,but I like really strong tastes. Why the fishnets, lace, and heels? I like all those props. They decorate everything nicely. They are the ultimate symbols of sexuality the demand and exude power, plus they look great in black and white. They also add 'texture' to the photos. Is it digital or 35mm? It's both and I know no one can't tell the difference. Since I know this I will stick with digital as it requires less chemicals that make me itch. Why is there never a face? Well you can't give it all away...It's a dichotomy and an illusion really. Because you feel like you see nudity, but the truth is your mind fills in the blanks. Technology is an impersonal way to have a personal relationship.
Each piece is named in Latin. Latin is a language used by scientists. I do not fancy my self a scientist, but I enjoy sharing the glow of an elite group. Plus I speak Spanish like 50% of the planet. It makes titles easier to understand for everyone and it sounds much more seductive and special.
I am part of the 'eco-nouveau' movement. The frames to each of my pieces are created from trash, picked out of the trash, come from a thrift shop, or simply handed down to me by family and neighbors. I also use fabrics on my matte boards and an additional piece of glass to create a clear backing. I am currently experimenting with installation art.
My photography has been displayed at the Cigar Arts Lounge, Gallery at the End of the World, Liquid City Productions, Royal Clayton, J Ferrari Gallery, Digital Arts Studio, the Art Slave Gallery, Chimaya Art, Antebellum, etc.
I interned for the Art Slave Gallery. Also, I worked as a freelance graphic designer for Imagen Records where I was underpaid. Each experience continues to develop my understanding of marketing in the art industry. Collaborating with new artists has become a significant part of my role as an artist.
Now in 2013, I am headed for graduate school in Arizona to combine photos, female body image, and mass media. I am broke and struggling, but this will be over. I am a great photographer and I have worked very hard. You will see my photos a lot more in the coming years...
For more information please feel free to send me an email via this website. I have numerous social networking accounts. I post my events and rant. Please feel free to add me :) or follow me, whatever you are into.