Whadayawant Touchdown - Whadayaget Field Goal

NATIONAL ANTHEM INITIATIVE... more

by Jim Williams

Title

Whadayawant Touchdown - Whadayaget Field Goal

Artist

Jim Williams

Medium

Photograph - Found Photo And Short Story

Description

NATIONAL ANTHEM INITIATIVE

I, The Right Honorable Rantin N. Raven-Faux VI, Mayor of Myassa, Florida (Where you're past is our future) as the Official Monster Raving Loony Party of the United States of A Merka candidate for the President of the United States of A Merka and the Free Loony World Order shall promote an initiative to change our national anthem. Our current anthem, "The Star-Spangled Banner" is over 100 years old and due for an overhaul.

1. It was written for a country which no longer exists, one much smaller than today.
2. It no longer truly represents our country.
3. According to listeners, it gives them the willies.
4. Its music came from a bunch of drunken Englishmen.
5. It gives the impression that the end justifies the means.
6. Few people know all the words or even how many verses it has.
7. It is too difficult for all but the most gifted vocalists.
8. People think the last lyrics are "Play Ball!"
9. It is filled with war, violence and death imagery.
10. Most other countries' anthems today are about war, violence and death imagery, making ours trite.

We believe that a much more representative anthem is needed, one which embraces the true American values we hold today.

And we have much better, more moving choices available which are more representative of our current culture: "God Bless A Merka", "Born in the USA M", "Proud to be A Merkin", "I'm A Merkin Girl", "U-S-A-M! U-S-A-M! U-S-A-M!", "Working Nine to Five", "Somebody's Watching Me", "Can't Touch This", "Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Iran", "Shaft", "Rainy Day Women Numbers 12 and 35", "Green Green Grass of Home", the Mexican National Anthem, "We Are the Champions", "Whip It!", "Money", the "Numa Numa" song, "Come on, Barbie, Let's Go Party", "Call Me Maybe?", "Sympathy for the Devil", beer ad songs, etc, and the list goes on and on.

But none express the true exceptionalisms of the US over all other nations, the special qualities which set American patriots above all others and make us the pride of the Free Loony World and guardians of the galaxy. We need a song with lyrics we can remember and a tune simple and catchy enough for all to sing along. It should also be danceable and officialize the unofficial lyrics "Play Ball!!". We believe that our national anthem should include those unique exceptionalisms which America has generously given to the world: Football and Jesus Christ. And these can be found together in only one song "Dropkick Me, Jesus".

We present our nominee for national anthem in its entirety, including the very difficult to find third verse. You may dance. It's a waltz.

CHORUS
Drop-kick me, Jesus, through the goal posts of life
End over end, neither left nor to right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Drop-kick me, Jesus, through the goal posts of life.

Make me, oh make me, Lord, more than I am
Make me a piece of your master game plan
Free of the earthly tempestion below
I've got the will, Lord, if you've got the toe.

chorus

Bring on the brothers who've gone on before
Bring on the sisters who've knocked on your door
Bring on those sainted relations of mine
And put them up front in the offensive line.

chorus

A lowly bench warmer I'm contented to be
Until the time that you have need of me (to)
Flash on the scoreboard that shines up on high (in)
The big Super Bowl way up in the sky.

chorus

chorus

(Play Ball!!)

by Paul Craft (except "Play Ball!!")

The title was an actual cheer led by the Florida State University cheerleaders at football games in the 1960s and 1970s.

disclaimer:
Image of "Touchdown Jesus" found online, no copyright infringement intended. Just for fun.

Follow the continuing adventures of The Mayor and Myassa, Florida here:
http://fineartamerica.com/profiles/wacks-museum.html?tab=artworkgalleries&artworkgalleryid=536130

Uploaded

June 11th, 2015