Open Carry For Auto - Merkins

Following the recent decision which recognized the legal and constitutional status of Auto-Merkins (see Auto-Erotics Appeals to Supreme Court), the... more

by Jim Williams

Title

Open Carry For Auto - Merkins

Artist

Jim Williams

Medium

Photograph - Found Photo And Short Story

Description

Following the recent decision which recognized the legal and constitutional status of Auto-Merkins (see Auto-Erotics Appeals to Supreme Court), the Supreme Court of the United States of A Merka (SCOTUS) has ruled nine to zero on the rights of properly licensed Auto-Merkins to openly carry passengers in the U.S. of A.M. The ruling extended such rights to any conveyance propelled by an engine, including lawn mowers, trains, airplanes, submarines, motorcycles, snowmobiles, power boats, golf carts, tanks, UFOs, etc.

In accord with the growing trend in the United States to permit public carrying of firearms by licensed firearm operators and to abolish enforcement of restrictive state and local anti-open carry laws, the court recognized the rights of Auto-Merkins to bear passengers anywhere that passengers can openly carry firearms. The ruling includes, but is not restricted to, their rights to carry passengers on streets, highways, breakdown lanes, on sidewalks, in parking lots, anywhere in government owned or leased properties, throughout parks, playgrounds, beaches, rivers, woods and forests, overland, historic monuments, graveyards, schools, religious properties, shopping malls and stores, in their own homes and in all other scenarios, no matter how unsafe, bizarre, ridiculous, or inappropriate they may be. They did grant an exemption to prevent Auto-Merkins from driving in the Supreme Court building, except for SCOTUS's own Auto-Merkins.

SCOTUS's decision also recognized that licensed Auto-Merkins may use their passengers for hunting, as seen in the photo of two urban hunters.

One of the winning arguments presented to the court compared the numbers of annual fatalities caused by Auto-Merkins in the U.S. with those of several other factors, including iatrogenic fatalities caused by appropriate medical treatment: 784,000; tobacco related: 480,000; alcohol related: 88,000; lack of appropriate medical treatment: 45,000; intentional self-harm (suicide): 41,000; firearms: 33,000 (including 22,000 suicides); and Auto-Merkins: 33,000. As can be seen, death by Auto-Merkins is equivalent to firearms' annual totals, proving that being a passenger in Auto-Merkins is among the safest ways to die.

Opposition argued that criminals could use their Auto-Merkins to further their criminal enterprises and that terrorists could use their destructive powers to destroy everything we Merkins hold dear. Drug cartels might use Auto-Merkins to act as mules to transport illegal narcotics into and around the U.S. of A.M. An illegal immigrant might marry one in order to remain in this country, using them for ''anchor autos''. Welfare queens could use their monthly benefits to purchase Caddy-Merkins. Auto-Merkins could flaunt traffic laws and park inappropriately. But none of these reasoned arguments could sway SCOTUS's decision.

In a separate decision, SCOTUS extended ''stand your ground'' statutes and status to Auto-Merkins when they ''feel threatened'' by anything or anyone darker than Chief Justice John Roberts and are not themselves darker than Chief Justice Roberts. At the recommendation of Associate Justice Antonin Scalia, Associate Justice Clarence Thomas recused himself. The vote was eight to zero in favor.


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Follow the United States of A Merka, Myassa, Florida, and The Mayor:
http://fineartamerica.com/profiles/wacks-museum.html?tab=artworkgalleries&artworkgalleryid=536130
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The photo is of Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow posing with their Auto-Merkin while preparing to hunt banks.

Uploaded

January 21st, 2016