My greatest enemy is me

Blog #289 of 330

January 5th, 2010 - 08:19 PM

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It happens every New Year. When the celebrating is over, discouragement sets in. A look back reminds me of how many goals were unmet, of how much more I have to learn, of how technically challenged I am when it comes to computers, and of how "average" my skill level is when compared to those I admire and try to emulate.

After beating myself up with this big stick, I feel even worse. And yet I do it over and over again at the beginning of each new year. Why do my dreams, my aims always fall far short of their target? Is it really this hard or is it only a negative state of mind that wraps its tentacles around my slumping creative soul?

Am I alone in this or is it symptomatic of our times? Tomorrow I will give myself a good swift kick in the psych and get on with the business of creating. But for now I will lick my wounds, snack on junk food, and hope that the sun will shine tomorrow.

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Callie Smith

14 Years Ago

Graceville, FL

You're so not alone, Carol!!! It's very easy to feel discouraged...but I guess it makes the sunny moments seem all the brighter. Thanks for sharing your heartening thoughts!

Carol Allen Anfinsen

14 Years Ago

St. Paul, MN

Amen, Diane. At least we know that we're not alone and there are other crazy artists out there going through the same thing.

Diane Daigle

14 Years Ago

Bowmanville, ON

Ahhh yes,,, the enemy within.... we all know him (or for us, her) very well don't we... I sit here and argue with myself about my talent, lack of talent, talent, lack of talent,,,, you get my drift. Not everything I've done has been a happy mistake... I must have some talent don't I???? Haha,, the dance continues Carol...!

Carol Allen Anfinsen

14 Years Ago

St. Paul, MN

I thank all of you for your kind comments and encouragement. It's great to have the fellowship of FAA members for support when we're in a slump. Thank you again for just listening.

Anthony Caruso

14 Years Ago

Akron, OH

I have observed that people who are truly good and skillful frequent question themselves and are hard on themselves for goals unmet. I have also observed that others who *think* they are very good at something but in reality are poor at it (art, parenting, driving a car), rarely question themselves. Maybe this is the way it has to be...we question and critique ourselves to improve. I wish that we could go through what Carol describes without so much angst.

Linda Bright Toth

14 Years Ago

Emerald Isle, NC

Well, at least your post humanizes you! I have you high up on this pedestal, someone who really has it all together. To hear you be critical of yourself, encourages me...how pathetic is that? :) You may think you are technically challenged, but I actually figured out how to master my blog, from looking at yours!! You are one of my hero's, so climb back up there where you belong!!

Julie Lueders

14 Years Ago

Phoenix, AZ

We all live with discouragement in our lives at times. But I know tomorrow you will create a masterpiece. Your a wonderful artist Carol, Its just a bit of the New Years blues. Start painting and show yourself. You didn't know what you were even talking about. Look in the mirror and say I am an awesome artist and then believe it because if you don't believe in you who will. ( I will )

Chito Gonzaga

14 Years Ago

Mississauga, ON

As artist we put so much of ourselves into our work and put ourselves out there to be judged. No one is immune to the discouragement from our unmet needs. We all have different styles and people have different taste. We just have to find our niche as they say. I myself had a bad slump after my last show in Sept. You have very good paintings and far from average. Now, put down that junk food and pick up that brush. Remember its harder to lift that brush with heavy arms.