Choices

For better or for worse, we are often defined by the choices we make. We may choose correctly or we may not, but regardless of our choice we are never quite that same as a result of choosing.

Late one spring afternoon I was driving across eastern New Mexico, traveling to Tennessee. Zipping along Interstate-40 at the legal speed limit on that limited-access highway, I had been making good time on the first day of my trip. I’d been driving steadily since before dawn and was more than ready to stop for the evening. With few opportunities for lodging in that wide open part of New Mexico, my best bet was to stop at whatever the next large town might be.

As I whizzed along at high speed, I noticed a small group of abandoned buildings just off the highway. They were on a frontage road and as I sped past, one of the buildings caught my eye. It was in a ruined state, made of deteriorating adobe with a low mesa in the background, and in the warm light of the late afternoon sun I thought it would make a striking photograph. Looking at the map though, I saw the next exit on the Interstate was still about ten miles ahead. That would mean adding at least an extra twenty miles to my already long day just to come back for the photograph. Coincidentally, the exit was also at a town where I could comfortably spend the night.

For the next ten miles, I pondered my choice. I could prolong the day by going twenty miles out of my way to come back and take the photograph, or I could enjoy the immediate pleasure of a comfortable rest by forgetting the photo and just stopping for the night at the next exit. This was at a time when I was still quite new to the process of re-inventing myself as a photographer and I was unsure if the additional twenty miles would be worth the extra effort, especially if the photo didn’t measure up to my hopes after only a high-speed glimpse of the building. As I neared the exit, I finally asked myself, “Well, are you trying to be a photographer or a tourist?” Ultimately, my desire to enter the world of photography and create interesting images overcame my fatigue, causing me to double back at the exit and drive the extra miles to shoot the photo.

In looking back on this episode, it seems to me that the value of that photograph, at least for me, lay not as much in any creative quality seen in the image itself, but in the memory I carry of the choice I made late that afternoon. By opting to act as any dedicated photographer would, I had instinctively reinforced my desire to develop the creative side of my personality and had moved just a little closer to becoming the creative photographer I wanted to be. It was a small choice to be sure, bringing about only a minor change in me, but a choice that is still meaningful to me today.

For what it’s worth, even though I chose to drive the extra miles at the end of a long day, I remember that I still had a very pleasant dinner and a good night’s rest when I ended my day after returning from shooting the photo. Sometimes our choices aren’t easy, at least not at the time we need to make them. And sometimes, it seems, with a little luck we might even make the right choice.

Note:
I intend to update this blog each week and I do hope you’ll re-visit it often. Since I thrive on your comments, I’d really love to hear from you. Please feel free to email me using the blue email link at the top-right corner of the HOME PAGE for this site to send me any questions or comments you might have...or just to say hello. Thank you.

John Carroll