Depression

I have suffered from depression most of my life. There is a lot of debate about whether it is a psychosis or, as scientist have recently (Jan. 2015) begun to see, also a physiological disease.... something I've known from a very early age. I am going to share some of my experience with it so, hopefully, it will help someone else. I didn't discover relief until I had reached the age of 44 and an anti-depressant that was compatible with my chemistry was found. Up until that point, I just lived with it as best I could.... and it affected everything. I was sick every single month since I went through puberty until I went through menopause. Now I am disabled. All my joints are damaged, including my spine, I have chronic pain and I still deal with depression, especially during times of duress, even with medication. And being an empath (intuitive) did not help anything.

I spent my entire life fighting myself. Every day, I thought about killing my self or someone else. My logical self understood this was not me, but something outside me. My soul tends to see the glass half full, the beauty surrounding me, to want to laugh and play. But this dark cloud would surround me daily and try to engulf me. I fought with prayer, with reading, with love. And, finding love, you get to see the stark differences between living with depression and feelings of joy.

With depression, everything seems grey. You feel listless.... almost paralyzed. Sometimes there is anger... actually, there is frequently anger. You feel sad and heart sick.... often without rhyme or reason. You feel worthless. It affects your health. It's like me in survivor mode all the time, which causes adrenalin to pour into your system, which affects your health. You get accustomed to it. And, Universal law, you attract what you carry inside. Spirits, people, situations. I was molested. I was raped. You make bad choices and that causes a snowball effect. Compilations.

But being a light spirit at my core, I also could counteract it with love. When your spirit is filled with light and love, it heals you. It makes you strong. It allows you to step back and "see" what is really going on so you can take counter measures. It draws good to you. I paint angels (even though they don't all have wings) because I feel them, and God, around me all the time. Ever since I became aware. When you are filled with love and light, the sounds are louder, the colors are brighter, the smells are stronger. It revitalizes you. It rebuilds you... as does prayer. It brings balance.

Sounding Bi-Polar? Pretty much.

But depression can and does kill people. People who end up taking their own life because they just can't do it any more. Doctors kept trying to push drugs that didn't work for me. Prozac tore me up so I refused to take it. But there are people who don't know how to tell an authority figure "no". Who don't know how to live with this condition and use counter measures to negative or dark feelings. Who don't see the good around them or the good they bring to others. Who don't know they can CHOOSE a better tomorrow. Who don't realize their own power or how to implement it.... and they are lost.

If you suffer from depression:

1. Become a fighter if you aren't one already. Get help. It doesn't mean you are weak or less. And... why do you care what others think anyway? Maybe they will help you. Maybe they will love you. If they don't, you don't need them in your life and they aren't important. But you matter. Who knows what amazing things you will do? Who you will influence? Find a way to love you. You area child of the Universe and your time here has it's reason. Plus, there is much beauty in this world. Find it.

2. Find your spiritual self. Look inward and get to know yourself... honestly. Make note of what you like and acknowledge it. Also make note of what you don't like and fix it. My mother told me never to do something that would make it so I couldn't look in the mirror and like what I see. But everything is fixable. We all have to make amends for what is done (Karma has to be paid), but then it is time to forgive and move past it and live joyously. Try meditation and exercise. Pray.... prayer has been a major help in my life. I thank our Creator daily for all He has done and given to me. I talk to Him about my troubles. I ask for help when I need it and I do get my prayers answered. Sometimes, the answer is yes... sometimes no. But that's okay. I trust that He does what is best for me and knows a heck of a lot more than I do.

3. Eat right. Your body is a temple and if you cherish it, it will make your life better. Walk 30 minutes 3 times a week or go swimming. Dance. Sing. Run. Play. You need those endorphins. And eat well. Lots of fruits and vegetables daily. These keep you regular, which boosts your immune system. Plus you will just feel better eating well. Small portion of lean protein. I eat mostly poutlry and red meat maybe 3 times a week. Yogurt. Lots of water. Have the occasional junk food or dessert. But moderation is the key. Have to enjoy a little. I love pie.

4. Stay away from recreational drugs, including alcohol. If you must, use in moderation. A glass of red wine is okay. One or 2 drinks at a party. But it is best to avoid these things in the same way it is best for a diabetic to avoid sugar and starch. And if you need anti-depressant, you will likely have to try different ones until you find the one that works well for you. The ones I used caused me not to feel as intensely, so it dulled my senses. But it gave me peace. They also caused other problems like high blow pressure and weight gain... so it can be a trade off. But this where personal choice comes in. I have chosen to discontinue after nearly 15 years and am doing well despite all the "feeling". If that changes, I will make other choices.

So... I hope by sharing these very private thoughts, I have helped someone. Even if it's only to bring understanding. Even better if it gives someone the tools for a better life. You are cared for. You are loved. You matter. Remember that.